Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
