is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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