My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm too high and old for this...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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