we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
