did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
