Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
