i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
