There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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