Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
