I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
