Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
