If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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