i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
