Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
