i barfeds in our rink
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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