Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
