I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
