I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
