just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
