I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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