It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize