I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
