We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I want her autograph on my taint
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize