apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
