The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
