he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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