Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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