they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
