R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
