I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize