You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Randomize
