wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
