i already hear my dad disowning me
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
