Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
try to milk me bitch
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
