I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
