My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
