Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
