I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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