are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
P.S. I can't hear my feet
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
