well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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