Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize