a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
