Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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