dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
