do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
did i just pee glitter
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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