tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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