And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just invented taco cereal.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
