Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
