He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
