Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
