Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
