Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
