I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize