I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
