let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
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