I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
