we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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