At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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