Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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