Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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