i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
