It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
