Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
