Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
