I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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