He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
