Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
