My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize