she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
