He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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