I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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