I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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