That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
