I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
All I want is dick and wine.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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